Commercial Chaos
by Ai Tennshi
Summary: The Straw Hat Pirates decided to make some money by doing some commercials...but no one can follow the script, and the commercials keep turning out less than perfect.
1. Sanji's Restaurant

_Author's Notes: So, upon being warned that it's not a good idea to do script-formatting, I've tried a different tactic. But it's the same contents, really._

_Disclaimer: I own nothing recognizable from One Piece as far as chapter 456._

**Commercial 1: Sanji's Restaurant**

"Well," said the boss. "Now that all of you are here... I'm sorry to tell you that you're going to have to boost the quality of these commercials if you want to stay on."

"What's that supposed to mean?" demanded Usopp. "They're all fine!"

"Well, let's see about that, shall we?" suggested the boss, and put the first videotape into the VCR.

Onscreen was Nami, who clapped enthusiastically.

"I just loved that restaurant, didn't you?" she chirped to Usopp, who stood beside her.

Usopp snorted angrily. "No. It was sexist."

"Sexist usually means biased in favor of men," said Nami, shooting Usopp a warning glance that was probably meant to point out to him that he wasn't following the script.

"Fine," said Usopp, but before Nami could breathe a sigh of relief, he went on. "It was feminine-sexist."

Nami snorted.

"That makes no-"

"The workers there spend their time insulting guests," said an offscreen voice that they recognized as Zoro's. "Would you call that a good restaurant?"

"You guys weren't supposed to go and have such a yummy-looking meal without me!"

That was Luffy's voice. Usopp turned with a glare to someone offscreen—Luffy, as all who had been present at the time of filming knew.

"It's your own fault they made you work for an entire week. You shouldn't have blasted that hole in their roof."

"I was just _playing_ with the canon! I didn't think it would actually hit anything!"

"That's why people don't _play_ with dangerous things like canons!" Usopp retorted, ignoring Nami's attempts to subtly nudge him back to the screen.

"How was I supposed to know that?"

"It's common sense, you idiot!" That was Zoro again. "You were lucky Sanji actually knows you, because otherwise you'd've ended up being set to work for a year like last time!"

"That was an accident, too!"

Usopp had almost returned to the commercial at that point, but he couldn't resist getting his two cents in at this. Again.

"And that restaurant was feminine-sexist too! Well, where Sanji was concerned, anyway."

"What's this about?" came yet another voice—Franky.

Nami gave up trying to knock sense into her comrades without attracting attention to herself on camera, turned to the camera, and flashed a beaming smile.

"If you're a woman who likes good food and enjoys dining in style, Sanji's Restaurant is the place to be!" And then she paused, apparently realizing that that might not be enough damage control. "Don't listen to those idiots surrounding me, because they can hardly tell right from left."

"Hey!" came a collective indignant cry from the men around her a split second before the camera turned off.

The boss turned off the television and sighed.

"This just won't do. You'll have to teach those three not to talk while you're filming. And you know that you can do retakes when things don't go right, right?"

"That was the best of all the retakes," Robin told the boss calmly.

The Boss sighed and shook his head.

"This won't do. This might get the women to come to that restaurant, but it's also likely to make the men less than eager to go, that's not what they're paying us for! We need a commercial that attracts everyone—not just a select group of people!"

"You can't please everyone anyway!" Nami attempted to argue, but it had no effect on their boss.

"Then how about the sales one?" suggested Luffy. "That wasn't bad."

"Not bad!" Nami screeched. "It was the worst of all of them! It was utter chaos!"

"But that was just because-"

"No, Zoro, _you_ are staying quiet. It wouldn't have been _half_ as bad if you'd just done what you were supposed to!"

"Let's take a look at it then, shall we?" suggested the Boss.


	2. Sales This Week at Fool Market

**Commercial 2: Sales This Week at Fool Market**

When the Boss put the second tape into the VCR, it was again Nami at the center of the screen, smiling with bright eyes and an enthusiastic demeanor.

"Have you ever felt that the shops you use are too expensive for the prettiest things? Well, now's your chance to get beautiful things for cheaper prices! Come to Fool Market and enjoy more beautiful purchases for lower prices!"

It was just then that Luffy strolled casually onscreen, and Nami's eyes widened in horror of yet another failed attempt.

"Why's it called 'Fool Market'? 'Cause only fools buy stuff from you?"

"No!" Nami hissed, trying to speak quietly enough that the camera didn't catch the sound. But the movements of her mouth were easy enough to read even if the Boss hadn't turned up the volume to maximum. "To keep silly window shoppers away—obviously I'm not the one doing the selling, I'm just advertising! And what are you doing on my commercial? This is the _twenty-fifth_ take! I told you to go to the basement to get that bookcase!"

"But two people need to be carrying it to get it out the door."

Nami rolled her eyes.

"And that's why I sent Zoro with you! Now go!"

"Well…Zoro disappeared. I think he got lost in the attic again."

"The _attic_! What were you doing in the attic? I told you to get the bookcase from the basement!"

Luffy edged away from his fuming navigator.

"I know…but Zoro thought the stairs that went to the attic led to the basement, and I tried to stop him, but he wouldn't listen so I went down to the basement to wait, but he didn't come…so I think he got lost in the attic again."

"That _retard_!" Nami forgot to keep quiet in her panic. "Only he would go _up_ to find a _basement_ and then get lost in an _attic_ that small! Quick! Quick! Go get him before he-"

There was a crack followed by a deafening crash, and the screen filled with rubble and clouds of dust. Something had apparently fallen down from above.

"-falls…through…the…ceiling…again…" Nami finished in vain amidst the rubble and dust.

Zoro straightened out in the pile of fallen rubble.

"Hey, Nami! What're you doing in the basement? I thought you wanted us to get the bookcase?"

Nami was too furious to answer. Smoke was practically coming out of her ears. One could see Luffy's Nami-is-angry-and-dangerous-to-anyone-in-her-vicinity alarm go off as he grabbed Zoro's arm and proceeded to drag him away as fast as he could.

"Come on, Zoro, we're off to the _real_ basement!"

"Oh, this isn't it?" came Zoro's voice offscreen, not distancing fast enough. "No wonder this didn't feel like the basement…"

Onscreen, Nami was gritting her teeth in fury.

"The sale is still on, and I promise that when you come, the ceiling will be fixed, and those two retards will be _gone_!"

With that said, Nami stomped offscreen in search of the two unfortunate souls who had ruined the twenty-fifth take of her solo commercial.

"This is absolutely useless," said the Boss, glaring at Luffy and Zoro. Not that that did much good, since Zoro was asleep and Luffy was busy munching away at some snack. "Hey! You! No snacks in here!"

Luffy looked up at the Boss in shock for a moment, as though he couldn't believe that anyone would forbid him from eating. But when he saw that the Boss was perfectly serious, he complied—by stuffing all the remaining food into his mouth at once.

The Boss looked absolutely disgusted.

"Anyway," the Boss went on, shooting Luffy one last look of absolute disgust. "This wouldn't attract anyone. Well, maybe people who are attracted to disruption and ceilings falling in, but that's not the sort of person that the owner of this store wants! The owner wants sophisticated people with a sense of humor, and that's not the sort of person that this would attract!"

"Robin," Luffy called to his comrade sitting quietly in the back. "Do you like this commercial?"

"Yes, I think it's quite amusing," Robin replied with a smile.

"See?" Luffy said to the Boss. "Robin's sophisticated with a sense of humor! She likes it!"

"There is a difference," the Boss said, shooting Robin a not-too-friendly glance, "Between finding a commercial amusing and wanting to go to the place advertised."

The Boss's opinion that Robin was a pirate and therefore unfit to determine the quality of the commercial went unsaid, but hung in the air thicker than ever. No one, not even Chopper, missed it.

"Anyway," the Boss hastily went on, noting the glares on all faces except Robin's, "Moving on. There's one in here that I find acceptable enough quality-wise. However, I would like to know _how_ it got in here, since the ones doing the advertising are obviously none of you."

Everyone but Nami looked puzzled.


	3. Meatball Filled Spaghetti

**Commercial 3: Meatball-filled Spaghetti**

Indeed, it was none of the Straw Hats that appeared onscreen when the Boss put in the videotape and pressed 'play'.

There stood Captain Smoker and Portgas D. Ace on opposite sides of the room. Smoker looked ready for a fight, his fists billowing white clouds of smoke. Ace, on the other hand, did not even seem to care that a Marine was standing right there, ready to capture him. He was far too intent on shoveling the spaghetti and meatballs on his plate into his mouth.

"So, we meet again," said Smoker, and his entire tone screamed, 'Danger!'.

Ace's only reply, however, was a short, distracted, far-less-than-enthusiastic, "Indeed."

Smoker stared, watching Ace shovel food into his mouth like he was half-starved. Smoker's face was distorted in excruciating disgust.

"You're not as disgusting as your brother, but it's a close one."

Indeed, watching Ace eat was a terribly grotesque sight. The Boss was looking slightly sick, though he had doubtlessly seen it before. The Straw Hats, however, remained unfazed. They were far too used to Luffy's eating habits to be moved by Ace's (marginally better) shoveling.

"I'm not actually usually this bad," said Ace through his mouthful of food as he continued to cram the spaghetti and meatballs into his mouth. "This is good."

"So I see," said Smoker dryly, rolling his eyes. "You're still awake."

"Awake? What?"

Though Ace's tone suggested complete bewilderment, he didn't stop shoveling the food into his mouth.

Smoker gave a disgusted sigh.

"Forget it."

"Gladly," said Ace as he finished up the food on his plate. Then he reached out to the serving plate in front of him, taking another large helping of spaghetti and meatballs. He wasted no time getting back to shoveling the food into his mouth.

It was then that Smoker lost his patience with this enemy who, apparently, wasn't in the mood to fight.

"Can we just get on with the battle?"

Ace didn't bother stopping his cramming to reply, "Nope."

"What do you mean, 'nope'?" demanded an outraged Smoker.

"You and I both know that with you smoke and me fire, nothing'd ever come out of it. Besides, this is too good."

Smoker stared at Ace for a moment. Then he sighed and stomped over to where Ace sat. He was just reaching for the weapon on his back when he halted, staring down at the huge serving plate of spaghetti.

He grabbed a plate, filled it with spaghetti and meatballs, and took a bite.

"This is good," he exclaimed, and engaged himself in cramming his mouth until he was no better than Ace.

"See?" said Ace, muffled through the pieces of spaghetti and meatballs that filled his mouth.

Then an unidentified voice—well, unidentified to the average viewer; easily identified as Nami to the Straw Hats—spoke, covering the disgusting sounds of Smoker and Ace cramming their mouths and eating as much as they could as fast as they could.

"Meatball-filled spaghetti—it even makes you forget your enemies and your enemies forget you!"

Luffy, Chopper, Usopp, and Sanji were in gales of laughter as the screen went blank. Zoro smirked, Robin smiled, and Nami gave a triumphant grin. Franky raised his eyebrows blankly, asking deaf ears who those two people were.

"That's great, Nami!" Chopper said to her. "How did you do that?"

"Remember that day that I said I was sick of you all and stomped off to have lunch on my own? I went to a restaurant, and when I saw Smoker facing Ace and Ace eating the same spaghetti that we were advertising like there was no tomorrow, I just _had_ to use it."

"Anyway!" the Boss said, clearing his throat and drawing everyone's attention back to him. "This is very good. And both White-Hunter Smoker and Fire-Fist Ace are reasonably famous, so this ought to attract attention. The only thing is that if I use this, I'll only be paying you half the worth, since you only did the filming. The rest of the payment would go to White-Hunter Smoker and Fire-Fist Ace, if I ever find them."

Nami's jaw dropped in shock.

"That's dirty!" shouted Usopp. "They didn't even know they were being filmed. It was all Nami's work!"

"She was simply in the right place at the right time," the Boss replied curtly. "That isn't good work—though I admit that her deciding to film the scene was a show of good judgment."

The Straw Hats glared angrily at the Boss.

"If you want the money for this one," the Boss went on, pretending that he wasn't being glared at by a group of fearsome pirates, "You'll have to show me one of your own."

The Straw Hats exchanged a nervous glance.

"Okay," Franky finally replied with a shrug. "But you ought to know—it's far from perfect."


	4. More Meatball Filled Spaghetti

**Commercial 4: More Meatball-Filled Spaghetti**

"Not perfect?" Nami snorted. "It's way beyond that. It's horrible! I am _not_ humiliating myself—and if you people had any sense, you wouldn't want to humiliate yourselves either—by displaying _any _of those twenty takes to a public audience!"

"Come on, Nami," said Usopp with a roll of his eyes. "This isn't a public audience. The only one who's going to see it that hasn't seen it before is the Boss!"

"And he has the power to fire us if he sees anything too grotesque!"

"Chill, Nami," grinned Luffy. "It was fun making it, at least."

Nami turned on Luffy with a look that probably should have sliced him, diced him, twisted his very bones, and thrown him ten feet under.

"Tell me, Luffy," said Nami, her voice dangerously sweet. "Who's fault is it, exactly, that we could only do twenty takes because we had to keep making new spaghetti and meatballs between takes?"

Luffy gulped.

"Yes—you! So don't you dare tell me to _chill! _I'll chill when you're far, far away from me and I can just make a commercial in _peace _for once! Do you have any idea how broke we are? Why do you think we're even doing a job like this? You-"

"Shut up, Nami," Zoro grumbled. "I'm sleeping here."

"And _you!_" Nami's wrath was instantly redirected Zoro's way. "Remember the fourth take? Remember how it was going _so well, _and we were almost done when you, who were supposed to be holding onto Luffy, fell _asleep_ and doomed the take? Remember how Luffy ended up ruining the camera in that take?"

Zoro was cautiously edging away from the irate navigator.

"I wasn't the only one holding onto him..."

"No, but you were the strongest! What makes you think that Usopp and Chopper and I could hold Luffy still on our own?"

"There're three of you and one of him," Zoro grumbled. "Can I sleep now?"

"No!" Nami's brandished fist suggested a drastic show of violence within the next few seconds—something the Boss hated about working with these people—so the Boss cut in.

"Why don't we just watch these takes and hope that one of them is marginally suitable?" he suggested.

Nami, Usopp, and Chopper stared at him like he was crazy.

Robin, however, reached into her bag and pulled out a videotape. As she handed it to the Boss, she didn't forget to warn him, "Make sure you fast forward through the first half hour. I can promise you that you won't find anything suitable there."

The Boss, however, apparently did not hear Robin—or maybe he just didn't feel like listening to her—because he pressed the 'play' button as soon as he had out the videotape into the VCR.

The screen was blank for three seconds. A cafeteria table with a plate of spaghetti and meatballs was visible for about a second. Then a red ball of energy leapt in front of the camera with a loud yell, and there was spaghetti and meatballs and sauce all over the place.

"Ugh," grimaced the Boss. "You call this a commercial?"

Robin shrugged.

"I told you to fast forward the first half hour."

The Boss sighed and pressed the fast forward button.The scenes that shot past grew increasingly disgusting and made everyone glad that it was at least just in fast forward mode. Finally, the disgusting displays of Luffy's determined attempts to eat all the spaghetti escalated to a sauce-covered camera lens.

The Boss was now looking faintly green, and moved to stop the tape and fast forward so they (he, rather) didn't have to see any other traumatic, disgusting scenes that lay ahead.

"Oh no," said Robin, and a hand sprouted from his arm to hold his hand away from the button on the remote that he so desperately wanted to press. "After the camera got splattered, things got better."

Of course, she neglected to mention that in this take they had been so furious at Luffy for ruining the camera and at Zoro for following asleep that it had taken a while before anyone realized that the camera was still on. Even in fast forward mode, they were left staring at a sauce-splattered screen for longer than they should have.

A finger sprouted from the remote and pressed 'play' just as the scene changed and the room was visible once more.

"Ah," said the on-screen Robin musically and dramatically. "That spaghetti that I just ate was so wonderful! I couldn't possibly ask for better spaghetti and meatballs! Darling, you must get me more of that spaghetti! Or I shall not be able to go on living!"

"Er," said the man beside her who was playing her husband. One who knew Franky could easily make out that his fidgeting was neither nervousness of being on camera nor pretended nervousness at his 'wife's' dramatic statement. He was wearing pants, and was severely uncomfortable (who knew how many years it had been since he had last had to wear pants?), and that accounted for the fidgeting. Still, the Boss might have liked the 'realistic' nervousness...

If a red ball of energy hadn't shot past the camera (towards Sanji, who was holding a plate of spaghetti and meatballs off camera, as the Straw Hats knew) just then, effectively ruining the take with a shout of, "Yes! More meat!"

The next take, obviously, was trying a different tactic.

"I loved that spaghetti!" said Robin.

"Yes, let's have some more!" said Franky.

They proceeded to begin to gobble up the spaghetti as though the world would come crashing down on them if they weren't finished in seconds.

The red ball of energy that shot out to join them was delayed and expected this time.

"We could use the parts before Luffy got on screen," Nami suggested hopefully.

"That was far too abrupt!" snorted the Boss. "Absolutely not!"

"Well, it had to be abrupt if we didn't want Luffy getting away and ruining the take," Franky grumbled, but was careful to do so quietly enough that the Boss could not hear.

"Oh, spaghetti and meatballs are so wonderful!" Franky began this time onscreen.

"Of course," Robin replied. "But you've never tried the best kind of all!" She pulled out a small sample of the spaghetti and meatballs they were advertising.

"Really?" said Franky, and hastily ate up the spaghetti with a nervous glance at someone (Luffy, of course, as even the Boss could guess) offscreen. "Yes! It was great! Let's get that same kind next time!"

The screen went blank.

"That's all? Two 'suitable' takes out of twenty?"

"I told you you wouldn't find anything there," sighed Nami, not really feeling like even glaring at Luffy anymore.

"But you could use the last one," suggested Franky hopefully.

"Absolutely not!" snorted the Boss. "It's so abrupt! Far too abrupt!"

The Straw Hats had all known that it wasn't suitable anyway, so they just shrugged when the Boss announced that they were moving on to the final commercial whether they liked it or not.

_Author's Note: Sorry for the delay... And I'm sorry to tell you that I'm going to be on vacation for ten days, so you're going to have to wait until I get back for the next chapter. But it's already finished, so I'll be able to post it as soon as I get online when I get back._


	5. Let's Watch Soccer!

**Commercial 5: Let's Watch Soccer!**

"Now, before we move on to the last commercial," the Boss began, sitting down behind his desk looking rather weary, "I would like to ask this: Why is there only one take, and why doesn't it follow the script at all?"

"Well, you see," Usopp volunteered, "Sanji was supposed to do it alone, since the script only requires one person. Only, Sanji (for some reason that is entirely unfathomable to me, I might add) thought the script was, and I quote, 'too shitty cheesy for some shitty sport'-"

"I was supposed to be fantasizing about soccer players," snapped Sanji. "_Male_ soccer players. What did you expect me to do? Hop around in delight?"

"Yep."

No need to mention that that monosyllabic, dull, infuriating comment came from a certain green-haired swordsman.

"If you want to say something, say it like a man!" snapped Sanji. "Or maybe we should be wondering about _your_ sexual preferences, since you can't act like one?"

"You try saying-"

"I wouldn't recommend fighting at this place or time," Robin said calmly. But the fact that she had spoken was enough to make Sanji forget the argument entirely, and her sly glance at an irritated-looking Nami made Zoro snap his mouth shut. He definitely couldn't afford any more debt to that witch.

"Ahem," said the Boss, bringing everyone's attention back to himself as he pushed the last videotape in to the VCR. Luffy leaned forward eagerly—he hadn't been present when this commercial was made. Neither had Zoro, Robin, or Franky, actually, but Zoro was napping again and Robin was reading and paying the television no attention whatsoever. Franky appeared mildly interested, even if his eyes weren't sparkling in anticipation like Luffy's.

To no one's surprise, it was Sanji—albeit a very bored-looking Sanji, mind you—who appeared onscreen.

"Watch soccer, everyone!" he said with obviously fake enthusiasm before stepping forward and reaching out towards the camera—towards the 'off' button, as Nami and Usopp knew.

But Usopp came running into the scene, whispering in a stage-whisper that was very audible to all watching the commercial. "Wait, wait, you can't just say that and call it a commercial! You have to advertise it!"

Sanji rolled his eyes.

"I just did. I'm done." His voice was not even a stage whisper. And, once again, he was reaching out to turn off the camera. This time, Usopp slapped his hand away from the camera. It was probably just luck that Sanji's or Usopp's hand didn't hit the camera and veer it off into some useless direction.

"No, no, no," Usopp hissed, again in the not-quite-stage-whisper as he rolled his eyes this time. "I'll show you how to do a _real_ commercial." He turned away and looked at something offscreen. "Chopper! Come here a sec!"

Chopper came darting onscreen just a few moments later. "What is it, Usopp?"

"Did you see last night's soccer game?" Usopp asked with so much enthusiasm that if he were a kettle, he would be boiling over. It was a little difficult to tell whether or not the enthusiasm was real or fake. Usopp was, after all, a pretty good actor when it came to telling his lies.

Which was why Franky, and even Luffy, could anticipate what he was about to do.

Onscreen, Chopper, who had never heard the word 'soccer' before, looked completely baffled. "No, not really…"

"Why not?" asked Usopp with even more enthusiasm, if that were even possible. "You really should've seen it, it was great! The Team Red looked like it was just about to win, and the whistle was only 63 seconds away! Team White was down 3-0! But then their midfielder decided that they simply couldn't lose, since it was too humiliating. So, with only those 63 seconds left, he took the ball, and kicked it high up into the air! Then he ran, as fast as he could, and leapt over everyone's heads. And there, above the head of the goalie, he kicked with all his might, scoring and landing atop the goal's bars! All in 5 seconds!"

Chopper's eyes were going wider by the second with awe. He honestly had no idea whatsoever what Usopp was talking about, but whatever it was, it sounded exciting and amazing. Whatever this 'soccer' thing was, maybe he should watch it sometime…

And Usopp was still going on.

"But he knew he couldn't do the same trick twice, because otherwise everyone else would see through it, and none of his fans would like him anyway. So this time, as soon as he took possession of the ball, he kicked it sideways, just enough that it didn't leave the boundaries, and gave it a spin. While it flew around everyone, he gave a mighty leap all the way from one side of the court to the other, and with a great kick, scored the second goal with 40 seconds left to go! Next, when he stole the ball, he kicked it so hard down that it burrowed a passage through the earth, and the spin made it come up again, right in front of the other goal. And the goalie was so shocked that it rolled right past him, and-"

Sanji, who was unfortunately (for Usopp's story and Chopper's happiness, at least) still onscreen, rolled his eyes and interrupted.

"Okay, you say that my commercial wasn't 'real'? The story you're telling is even less real."

"It's not!?" That was probably the ultimate look of shock and betrayal on Chopper's face. He had been _so_ looking forward to watching this 'soccer' thing…and it wasn't even real! The tragedy!

Usopp, however, was entirely oblivious to the betrayal that he had committed.

"Is too!" Usopp was arguing. "How would you know? You can't even-"

But Sanji wasn't willing to listen. He turned back to the camera, and with an irritated, "Just watch soccer." turned off the camera without further ado.

"Well, that wasn't bad," said Robin, who was now looking up from her book.

"Wasn't bad!" exclaimed the Boss, throwing his hands up in exasperation as he finally lost his temper. "No! It wasn't bad at all by your standards, and that is _precisely_ what is getting on my nerves! The only half-decent commercial you could get wasn't even you, which means that even if I _do_ use this abomination for the Soccer Union's commercial, I still need three more commercials made! I can't believe that I wasted my time and money on you people! I can't believe that I thought I could talk with you and convince you to make a few more decent commercials! Here! A thousand berri for filming Portgas D. Ace and Captain Smoker! Now get out and stop wasting my time!"

Since the Boss wasn't exactly an 'enemy' in the sense that he was someone they wanted to physically harm, the Straw Hats rushed out (with Nami glaring down at the thousand berri bill in her hand, Luffy dragging the still-sleeping Zoro by the collar, and Robin walking as calmly as if a furious, raging man were not currently picking up a rake that was intended as a prop and poking at them with it).

Needless to say, the entire male population of the Straw Hats endured a severe clobbering as well as a one-hour lecture from Nami. Not that they had expected any less, seeing as how they had been promised fifty thousand berri per commercial, and had hence received only a two-hundred-and-fiftieth of what they were promised.

Gloomily the Straw Hats trudged through the town, seeking some other line of work.

It was only after they were paid for a two-day-long backbreaking mining job, had bought the necessary supplies, and set sail on the Thousand Sunny at long last that Nami raised the question, "Why didn't we just _steal_ the supplies we needed like the pirates that we are?"

Shockingly, the thought hadn't even occurred to a single one of them.

_Author's Note: Well, so ends this useless nonsense fic. Or not quite. I've got a short epilogue sort of thing in the making, but where commercials are concerned, this is finished. I hope you enjoyed it!_

_And yes, I'm aware that televisions, videos, and VCRs probably don't exist in the One Piece world._


	6. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

Vivi munched her chips as she flicked through the television channels. Nothing interesting was on. Mostly just commercials…

But wait. That restaurant commercial…that was Nami and Usopp! She quickly un-muted the TV.

Sure enough, _"-feminine-sexist."_

"_That makes no-"_

"_The workers there spend their time insulting guests. Would you call that a good restaurant?"_

Vivi watched Usopp argue with an off-screen Luffy and Zoro, and then Nami wrap it up admirably with a single line. She was giggling to herself: there was no doubt in her mind whatsoever that they had been entirely ignoring the script. They must have had a kind boss if he put up with them and used a commercial like that.

Of course, since Luffy's eating habits left the Straw Hats almost permanently broke, Vivi knew at once that they had probably only done a commercial like that for the money. She was happy with that, considering how she got to see them.

When the commercial ended, she resumed flicking through the channels. To her utter surprise, there she found Usopp, Sanji, and Chopper onscreen. Usopp was talking enthusiastically to an enthralled Chopper while Sanji looked on with an inexplicable expression that only gave away that he was not happy at all.

"_-__like it was just about to win, and the whistle was only 63 seconds away! Team White was down 3-0! But then their midfielder decided that they simply couldn't lose, since it was too humiliating. So, with only those 63 seconds left, he took the ball, and kicked it high up into the air! Then he ran, as fast as he could, and leapt over everyone's heads. And there, above the head of the goalie, he kicked with all his might, scoring and landing atop…"_

Vivi listened to Usopp's story, giggling to herself every so often when Usopp completely crossed over from reality to the absurd. Then Sanji abruptly ended the commercial, and Vivi was thrown into a slightly un-princess-like fit of giggles.

Wherever they were, she was glad to see that they were getting along fine.

Of course, it never occurred to her that they had been ripped off in making those commercials. She assumed that with Nami's love of money, they would have at least signed a standard contract before beginning to make the commercials, ensuring that they were paid some sum for their time, at least, even if the commercials were not used.

If the Straw Hats had known what the Boss had done, they probably would have mauled him to within an inch of his life. _No one_ messed with the Straw Hat Pirates like that!

Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately; it depends on how one sees it) for them, the Boss was thrown into jail within the week after the commercials were released. Captain Smoker, who had suffered a demotion for working together with a pirate and neglecting to fight him in favor of _spaghetti_ of al things, captured the Boss and persecuted him under charges of conspiring with pirates. The fact was that he _had_ known that they were pirates when he hired them, and yet he had worked with them rather than turning them in, and so he was found guilty and sentenced to five years behind bars.

Captain Smoker, who had no recollection of making such a commercial (though he remembered the day that he had neglected to fight Fire-Fist Ace in favor of spaghetti, no one else was going to hear about that—and besides, the spaghetti _had_ tasted excellent), appealed to a court against his demotion. As a result he was un-demoted, and let off with a warning (which he ignored).

And the Straw Hats continued happily on along the Grand Line, blissfully oblivious to all of this. Still, Nami _did_ think it was rather odd that there seemed to be the occasional page missing from the newspaper, which she would always find in Robin's vicinity with one section cut out.

But she shrugged it off. Maybe Robin had started a collection of history-related articles in the news or something.

_Author's Note: And that is the end! Thanks for reading, everyone! Hope you found it enjoyable!_


End file.
